Nothing's perfect...

We are always striving for perfection in life. We have this dream of what would bring us happiness, how things should go in life in order to create our perfect little world. Guess what...not gonna happen! At least it won't happen when our focus is on pleasing ourselves and attaining temporal riches. Your friends will hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally. Your spouse and your parents WILL disappoint you. You won't find sheer joy when you finally have the child you longed for, the house that was just out of reach until now, the pride of completing a college degree and obtaining a decent income...there will always be a longing for something more to make life "just right."

The lie is that there is a perfect life to be found in the corrupt and temporary things of this earth. The only thing perfect in life is God. He is the creator of life. We fail to recognize that the perfect life we are constantly striving for is really our spirit seeking the perfection that comes through Christ. We are really longing for what can only be found once we leave this imperfect, cursed earth. But so often we try to fill these spiritual longings with non-spiritual things. Trying to fit the triangle into the square hole may fill the majority of it, but there will always be gaps to fill.

Our bodies and spirits long to be changed into perfection; our hearts no longer needing or wanting for this or that. Romans 8:21-23 tells us that even the earth, the creation, groans to be released from the corruption of this world. These verses also tell us that we ourselves groan in eager expectation of our transformation into glory.

If we can keep the right perspective...knowing that our strivings for the 'perfect life' are spiritual rather than temporal, we may not seek as hard for the temporary things of the earth. May we put our full energy into the eternal work of God, where we will find our great joy and contentment. And not only that, He is worthy of all our attentions and affections.

God is in the process of perfecting us here...our longing is for the completion, the fulfillment of His perfecting work in us. Only to be found when we meet Jesus and our Father in heaven, perfect forever!

Pushing forward

8/17/11 I’ve often thought that I am so needy and helpless in my situation, that I can’t possibly help anyone else. But helping people is the greatest desire of my heart. So, do I think that God would put me in any situation in which I couldn’t serve Him at all? No, that's a lie from satan. Look at the apostle Paul…look at the near death experiences, the torture, the imprisonments. And yet, look at the magnificent way in which God used him! And he was one who previously murdered God’s people! Oh, the depth of His forgiveness and love. Look how God’s power and strength are shown in the most torturous situations. His word still prevails amidst the plots and plans of evil doers. When we are weak, then He is strong. 2 Cor. 12

-So, may He clear me of these thoughts of uselessness to His kingdom. May He also give me wisdom and clarity in exactly what I can handle in this season,  and keep me from stepping beyond what He has given me, as Apollos did in Acts 18. 

-Praise Him for the work he is doing in Lily’s little heart, as she verbally explained after praying a salvation prayer from her story book Bible “now the Holy Spirit can come live in here”, and she pointed to her heart. May God overcome the difficulties of trying to pray and teach my children when I have a rambunctious and highly noisy toddler. He will do it, and He proved it tonight! May He strengthen me in this most important duty of teaching my children about God, and that He help me put on display to them what it is to walk with Christ and for Christ. 

-God, forgive me for my frustrations and anger, and for my idolatries. May He use me in this new path of service at church that He has called me to in leading people to Him. Whether those who need to hear the gospel, or those walking with Christ who need encouragement to keep running the race, and to run the race fully for Him. Or maybe just to be a helpful source of information, or the source of a warm smile. Oh, how I desire to bring to people the incredible hope that is found solely in God! Praise Him in the highest!

Boasting in my weakness...

8/15/11 There seems to be a continual roller coaster in my life, good vs bad, which is incredibly exhausting. Always back and forth, up and down. Now I recognize this as the very real spiritual battle occurring within me and around me. As heavy, tangible and arduous as it is, I praise God for it. It’s how I know for certain that the Holy Spirit is interceding for me, that He is convicting me, that He is “helping” me, and in that way accomplishing that part of His mission which Jesus told us the Holy Spirit was sent to us for. 

"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you." - John 14:26

I’ve come to see a picture in my mind of the two sides of a weighing scale. As deep and heavy as the anguish, desperation, pain and struggles are on one side (the lowest side), the height of the love, joy, peace, patience, zeal, excitement and increasing knowledge of God is immeasurable. Too many days I wish the pain and struggles weren’t so low on the scale, dragging me down to places that are so hopeless. It’s so intense. But, I can’t wish for a balance of good vs. bad, because I would not give up what I have now in Christ, to get back what I have lost. The treasure I have simply in experiencing more of the path that Jesus walked for me, is absolutely priceless…and I want more! Father God, it’s hard to even say this, but don’t let the scale be balanced. I want the greatest heights You have to offer me!

“But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. God’s power is made perfect in our weakness.”

 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I’m not at a point where I delight in my weaknesses as the apostle Paul states, but God has revealed to me how He does carry out marvelous and powerful works when we are at our utter weakest. I am ‘almost’ at a point where I understand Paul’s boasting in his weaknesses, but that too is still pretty heavy truth. What I do know is that God has actually produced in me an excitement to see how He will work through my tough circumstances to bring glory to Himself and bring comfort, hope and a great understanding of Him to others. Bring it!

Summer of God....

I am absolutely in awe of how God has both transformed me and ministered to me this summer. Before my kids left for a broken up 6 weeks of the summer, I dedicated that time to God. I asked Him to transform me, to purify me, to comfort me, to show me more of who He is. He did not let me down, and I almost feel as if I've been born again, again! :) It's hard to believe that my walk with Him could get any better.

God has revealed idols in my life this summer. One being myself, which I think will be a lifelong struggle for all of us. Another idol: running to TV to escape my pain and increase my temporary joy. I've been two weeks without my 'favorite' show, the ONE last show that I was clinging to after years and years of dwindling this idol down. Guess what...as I dedicated that time to God instead of myself, He has revealed to me a new mission He wants me to pursue, and He has shown me how time with Him is beyond better than any fictional ecstasy.

I've read and studied my Bible for many years, and I've fellowshipped with those who love God and learned from those who are more wise than I. But through this summer I have become addicted to reading His word, listening to sermons, reading non-fiction books to help me understand God's word. It's not just something I need to do, it's something I LOVE to do. I can't believe I didn't love it this much in my previous years with Him...that makes me sad.

He has shown me that, although my zeal for serving Him and helping others is strong and mostly pure, there were hints of pride and selfishness. Boy did that hurt! But by opening myself up to Him and His refining fire, by walking through the pain of revelation of these sins, now my motivations for serving Him have been absolutely cleansed, and I am a completely empty vessel ready for His purposes. Now instead of one of my reasons for serving being the great joy that I receive, it is that I serve because God is worthy, because He has a mission to reach others. That has to be the first and main focus: to serve Him. Then I can revel with a pure heart in the joy that He will bring as a result of my obedience.

Most of all, in the lack of a husband and all of the holes that are left from that trauma, God has shown me how He IS here. I asked God to help me understand how He can minister to me during those times when I just want a human being to share this life with, or just to talk to for a few minutes. OH boy...He showed this to me in a powerful way. How has He overcome my intense desire for a human, physical presence? By teaching me through one-on-one time. Just me and Him. Sometimes it was incredibly lonely despite the love I had for what I was learning. I even found loneliness crept up because I was so excited about what God was showing me and I wanted to share that right away! But, there was no one there, or at least not a human being. The amazing way that He showed His presence was when I would go to church, or talk to someone a day or even a week later, and they confirmed what only GOD had taught me in our time alone! This is how He has shown me that He truly is with me, right here, right now. People spoke to me things that I had never shared with them, but that God had shared with me first. Amazing!

And, although I have always known and trusted that in Him I can find sufficiency, I now can move forward as a single mother fully 'experiencing' His suffiency. I believe this is because I am surrending everything to Him, opening myself up. He is then cleaning me out and filling me up with Himself. Now I can experience His sufficiency, although it has been there all along. I am no longer afraid of my circumstances, but I am excited to see how He will show His strength and power in my weakness. I am excited to see the glory He will receive as others see His might in the most desperate of situations! God planted me in the middle of the U.S., in the middle of corn fields, far away from family and anyone I knew. Just me and my three. And now I can't imagine being anywhere else!

Now I am ready to pass all this on! May the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, the great Shepherd, the great I AM, be as much to you as He is to me, and even more so. Surrender yourself to Him... in everything. He is a God who brings good from bad to those who love Him. Be honest, seek hard after Him first and Him alone, and "all these things shall be added to you."

May all glory and praise be to God alone, the Holy, Sovereign, Creator of all things!
Jenn :)